Destructive Favoritism (Genesis 25, 27, 29)

Genesis 25, 27, 29

Favorites.  We all have them.

Most of the time, favorite things are something that tells a little about ourselves.  We can have favorite sports teams, favorite foods, favorite clothes, favorite movies, even favorite hair styles (for those who choose to have hair).  These favorite things are benign.  They are personal preferences that we particularly like and it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks of these proclivities. 

However, there are other favorite things that matter much more.  For example, my wife is my favorite person in the world.  If it were to be found out that there was another woman other than my wife who was my favorite, this would be very destructive to the relationship that I have with her.

Best friends are also favorites.  They are people who get along well because of shared experiences and common likes and passions.  However, this relationship can also become toxic because of its favorability. 

Let me explain briefly with two separate senarios...

First, a best friend relationship can blind us to objectivity.  We can see our friend doing the wrong thing and yet covering for them because they are our best friend.  This could be as simple as disrespecting their parents or as serious as a drug, alocohol or sex problem.  We take the side of our friend because of the allegience to our friendship instead of the side of righteousness which wants what is best for our friend.

Secondly, having a best friend or best friends can often bring us to a point of exclusion for other people whom we might also become good friends to if we just allowed them into our group.  This can particularly be seen in large gathering events (including church or youth group) where those who have friends there often circle up (with no room for others) and engage in conversation focusing only on themselves.  Individuals who might like to get to know them or who may long to be included in such groups are left lonely on the outside.

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Favoritism is also destructive among children.  Today's reading makes it clear that favoritism can have terrible effects on family relationships.  Isaac loved Esau more.  Rebekah loved Jacob more.  At every turn you see the effects of this destructive nature.  Rebekah teaches Jacob to be a deceiver to get the blessing from Isaac that Isaac wanted to give Esau.  What ensues is a rage that threatens to have family members take one another's life over this issue of favoritism.

Jacob flees the situation effectively banishing himself from his family for 20 years.  While in his self-imposed exile, he gets a taste of his own medicine as his father-in-law also plays the favorite in having him deceitfully marry his oldest daughter before allowing him to marry his youngest.  All this does is set up a pattern of favoritism that will negatively impact his family for generations.

How different is this from the favoritism that God shows us and wants us to show the world!  God has favorites and I am glad to say that I am one of them.  God's favorites are all of those who have accepted His Son as Lord and Savior of their lives.  Unlike earthly favorites, it is God's desire to conform every person into the image of His Son (Rom. 8:29).  And as such, His discipline for our lives, though sometimes painful, is always for our good (Heb. 12:10-11).

It makes you wonder what would have been different if Isaac and Rebekah would have made God their favorite in everything...including raising their kids.  What could be different in your life if God was your favorite in everything?  After all, it is the only type of favoritism that leads to redemption...not destruction.

The Things We Pass Down (Genesis 26)

Genesis 26

I like any good parent worry about my children.

I worry about their choices...of friends, of decisions in times of peer pressure, of safety when beyond the purview of my gaze, of career paths, of provision, of knowing Christ, of...well, I'm sure you can fill in the blanks endlessly.

Now with most of these worries, I take the role as a parent and guide my children to understanding (as best I can) and pray to God that this equipping will be enough a foundation for them to build their lives on or at least run back to if they stray.  I can leave them in the hands of God and they don't consume me.

But one fear plagues my heart concerning the future of my kids.  My own sins passed down to the next generation.

In the 10 Commandments found in Exodus 20 and repeated in Deuteronomy 5, the second commandment states:

You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.  You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate Me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love Me and keep My commandments.  --Exodus 20:4-6; Deuteronomy 5:8-10

Now, of course, my wife and I love the Lord.  According to this commandment we should have nothing to fear concerning a retributive passing down of iniquity from the Lord.

But what of human frailty? 

In the life of Isaac, we see a very similar situation occur to him as it did his father Abraham.  There comes a famine in the land and Isaac goes to the land of Abimelech at the instruction of the Lord for provision.  However, fear grips the heart of Isaac and like his father, he tells a lie to get him out of a precarious situation.  Human ingenuity trumps the provision and protection of God...again.

This account of Isaac's life should remind each of us that our children pick up many things from our lives by observing our actions, by hearing stories of past deeds (good and bad) and the light we put those deeds in, by the company we keep, by the diligence in which we work, by the words we use to encourage or tear down others, by our contrition when we are in the wrong and by the faith in Christ that we observe (or don't observe).

I know my children are not perfect, nor will they ever be in this life.  But I know what I have struggled with.  I know the pain of my struggle with sin and I desperately want my children to be able to break the cycle of specific sins that have plagued my life or have possibly been found in generations before me.  Maybe they will.  But whether they do or not...I know they will have struggles of their own that are just as hard as the ones I've faced.

However, more importantly than my fear of their struggles and failings, I want my children to experience the steadfast love of God, found in Christ.  If I can pass that down, I know they will have a more secure foundation than any struggle they may face. 

God, would You be so gracious to have my children see in me the grace given through Christ that can overcome any of my failings so they may put their trust in You with their struggles too?  That's really all I ask for their lives.

Finding the Right One (Genesis 24)

Genesis 24

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"You can't tell me who to date!"  She announced defiantly to her mother.  This was the third boyfriend that her mom disapproved of. 

"Besides," she continued, "what right do you have to tell me after your marriage fell apart with Dad?!"  It was a low blow given in the heat of the moment.  She could see her mother's face begin to boil red.  "He treats me better than I ever saw Dad treat you!"  She was confident that she had made her point and the argument was won.  Nothing her mother could say was going to change her mind.

"Do you think that your father always treated me the way you remember our marriage falling apart?  Why would I ever marry him if he were like that?", her mom lashed back.  It was an unexpected comment that actually caught her daughter's attention, after her daughter swore not to listen to a thing she said.

"He was nice...no more than that, a gentleman, when we first started dating.  We were so different, but we also thought that we were so in love.  He would do the little things.  Holding the door open for me, giving me flowers for no special reason, talking to me through the night on just about anything...well, almost anything.

"My parents didn't like him either.  It's not that they didn't like him as a person, but they didn't like him as a fit for me.  They saw a component missing in our relationship that they knew was necessary.  You see, your father never believed in Christ.  It was never important to him.  The same argument that you are having with me is what I fought with my parents over.  I convinced myself that this piece wasn't important and that our love could overcome our differences.  However, unlike your father and me, my parents could point to how Christ was what kept them together through the storms that come in every marriage, but remains unseen to those whose relationship is built solely on how the other person makes them feel.

"But I didn't listen.  I was going to show my parents that they were wrong about your Dad.  So we married and I convinced myself that I could change him.  But it never happened.  No matter how many times I shared the love of God with him or invited him to church, my faith became a bigger and bigger wedge in our relationship.  I decided to drop it for the sake of peace, but there was always this fear, as I drew closer to God, that he would never come to Christ.

"I thought our marriage was going to survive until you came along.  As we had grown apart because of our different views on the importance of life and morals that come from this difference, I realized that we would be fighting over you and what you were supposed to believe.  He didn't want you to have anything to do with God or the church or that 'superstitious nonsense', as he put it.  I wanted for you to grow up knowing Christ and I still wanted him to open his heart to the idea of God.

"All the fights.  All the belittling that we did to one another.  All the cruelty.  It all began because one of us believed in God and the other one didn't...and neither of us could see it before we married.  But my parents did...I wish I would have listened to them and saved myself from all this pain."

"What and wish I'd never been born?!"  Her daughter jumped in unexpectedly, hurt reflected in her face.  "You know our family may not have been perfect, but I love both of you the same..."  she grabbed her jacket and her keys while she continued, "...and you'll see, we won't be like you and Dad."  Tears were streaming down her face as her mind raced through the implications of the illogical conclusion she had just arrived at.

"No!  That's not what I meant..." she began to say as her daughter raced out the door toward her car.  But she knew it was too late.  Her daughter, like herself, was only hearing what she wanted to hear.  She would spend the rest of the night praying that after she calmed down God would impress upon her the truth of her situation...and prevent her from making the same mistakes.

***

Our culture is so different than that of Abraham's time.  In the time of Abraham, the parents had enormous influence in the marital choices for their children.  So as Abraham thinks about the future of his son and the faithfulness he is to have toward God, he instructs his servant to go back to the land where his family is, a family that believes in the Lord, and not take a wife from among the culture around him that has no regard for Him.  Through the amazing circumstances that follow, Abraham is able to find a wife for his son Isaac.  Abraham's line would be preserved, but more importantly for Abraham, his faith would now have a much better chance to thrive.

In order to preserve our faith for future generations, we need to have the commitment of Abraham and not settle for someone without it.  Above all, we should not believe the lie that there is a stronger tie than faith in a marriage, no matter what our emotions tell us. 

Out of Sight, Out of Mind (Genesis 23)

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Genesis 23

Our American society has done a very good job at taking away from us every semblance of actually having to face anything unpleasant.  Our entertainment driven culture seldom focuses on actual death or suffering.  Any that occurs is usually tidied up in one or two episodes and isn't really the main point of the program to begin with. 

As a result, we have become a people who have outsourced dealing with pain or mortality to the professionals.  Hospitals, nursing homes and cemeteries are rarely visited by most because we are too busy living life, pretending it will last forever, to concern ourselves with the implications of suffering and death.  It was pointed out in a book that I read recently that many churches built today no longer have cemeteries connected to them. 

Yet to be honest, it was through a number of these uncomfortable experiences that my eyes were opened to greater things.  Having a cemetery near the church I came to Christ in played a part in having me think about eternal matters.  My mother-in-law worked in a nursing home that my wife absolutely adored.  She introduced me to some of the wonderful people there.  It was hard to be there at first because I was unaccustomed to the painful knowledge of the deterioration of life.  But I grew to love the visits with the people who exuded more joy than my infant Christian faith had known.

It is this unfamiliarity with suffering and death that bothers me about our current and future generations.  I have seen the results of those who are unprepared for and unfamiliar with suffering and death.  There is an anger often directed towards God that life expires, though we have never been told any different.  Or there is a desecration of the memory of a family member for the possessions promised for this life vied by those left behind, fully convinced that there is nothing more than what they see.

I can sympathize with Abraham in this passage.  The death is near to him.  The pain is too close to want to think about it.  So he plans to "bury his dead out of his sight".  He doesn't want reminders.  He wants to forget.  So he did what we have done and places the suffering memory of loss outside of his reach.

But in forgetting, we run the risk of never thinking about the truly important things of life, death and the consideration of the reality of life beyond the grave through Jesus Christ.  Maybe our time would be better spent in some uncomfortable places that are a reality too soon experienced by those not expecting it.  By doing so, we may become aware of a Reality eclipsing the pain of our experience and offering Hope beyond any suffering we may have to endure in this life.

It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart.  --Ecclesiastes 7:2       

Earning Your Trust (Genesis 21-22)

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Genesis 21-22

What does it take to earn your trust?

If you are like most people, the answer is..."depends".  It depends on how important the task or information is and how faithful you view the other person receiving the instructions or information.

For example, if you worked at a retail store and you were in charge of a department, you would want to entrust tasks to fellow employees whom you believed would get the job done.  The more important the task, the pickier you would become in choosing a person for the assignment.

The same goes with our personal lives.  Not all information about our lives is the same.  There is a big difference between telling someone you dropped out of college to pursue a career, than telling someone that you have struggled (and may still struggle with) drugs, pornography or suicide.  Some of it is easily accessible for anyone wanting to build a surface relationship with us.  And other parts are hard to share, reserved only for those who have proven themselves faithful.

Abraham has finally crossed that line with God.  His journey has taken him nearly 40 years, but he has come to that point where he is willing to hold nothing back from God.  The sending off of Ishmael and Hagar.  The sacrifice of his son Isaac.  These are Abraham's most prized possessions in the world that God has given him.  Though not easy, Abraham has come to the point where he believes God has earned his trust...in everything.

He no longer has to trust what he can see and manufacture because he has seen God do the impossible.  And this was only possible through a lifetime of belief.  Messy.  Imperfect.  Misunderstood.  Amazed.  Belief.

I believe our walk with Christ is much the same as Abraham's journey to become the "Father of Faith".  We jump in with both feet, as Abraham did in leaving his loved ones in another land.  We fear obedience God's way because it looks so different than the way of the world, so we stumble and compromise, causing pain.  We try to manufacture the will of God in our lives, rather than trusting Him to accomplish His will in our lives, as with Abraham and Hagar.  We continue to come back to God again and again, to remember His promises to us and to remind us that He doesn't break His promises.  We struggle to trust God when He tells us to meet together and truly bear each other's burdens and become vulnerable, because all of this is easier to do on our own than trust His way of growth.

And what follows our results are:  Failure.  Compromise.  Doubt.  Messiness.  Glimpses of amazing glory and grace.  Miracles.  And finally...eventually...unwavering faith and trust.

Somewhere along this walk...we like Abraham...cross a line.  It is a line that has been earned through a combination of our mistakes (for not trusting God) and God's faithfulness.  It is not something that is usually granted at the moment of belief.  It takes a lifetime to learn.

So if you are not there yet.  Take heart and struggle to remain faithful with all your might.  You may yet find that you have the faith of Abraham.